#11011040312JHQPN.

Did I just lose you again, for the second year? Did I not see this coming? Or did I but didn’t want to do anything? It’s hard to sit here every single day and night and expect for a phone call. It’s killing me inside so much. I hate crying myself to sleep. I hate those nights where all I can do is lay in bed without your voice saying “Babe….babe…Baby..babe” just to make sure I’m still awake with you, so we can phone all night. I can’t cry to you when I have a bad dream. Whose going to check up on me, when I’m panting hella loud? Whose going to try and tell me wsup, even though I end up mad? Whose going to do all of this? No one. I would never thought that something like this was heading towards this was so quick. I remember when I wasn’t use to late night phone calls, but when you came along everything changed. The very first night when we started opening up to each other.. oh damn. It got to me how I’ve known you for so long, and look at where we are standing now. Top of the line. “No girl will be there for me like you will” was your words. “I’ll never do anything to hurt Nancy, never will I leave her” you didn’t leave me in a way where you dropped me for another girl, but you left me going back in there. I always told you to be careful, be cool. You’ve hold your cool for a quick minute, then you lost it and I hate seeing you at break points like that. Member our first fight? We didn’t even talk that night? How sucky. All the arguments we’ve already been through, but each one did make us closer together. Our biggest fight, Saturday night. Thanks for letting me cry to you, hit you, hug you. Thanks for coming over when I was outside making sure I was okay. Thanks for running over at 10 at night when I got a fucked up face. Last time I saw you Monday at 3:30 ): I’m at least happy I got to see you with a smile on your face, with your dimples, and that hug you gave me was the last hug I got from you. It hurts that my last words, I couldn’t even say I love you to you. I hate how I wish I would’ve done things so much better and shouldn’t have treated you so mean. If I could take some things back, I would. Each night we didn’t talk, I could’ve been talking to you these days making up for it, but that’s so impossible. You taught me so much, to always be strong for myself, never be scared of anyone, that people do love me and not everyone will hurt me especially you. You really are different. It’s okay if you’re a gangster, I accept you for who you are. It’s what you are and what can I do about it? Nothing but be there for you. I want to be that girl in your life for the longest time possible. The girl that you’re parents will keep loving and telling me to watch after you. You might not know it, but I’ve been with them this past week a lot and with you family. Each time, I take a step into your room, Nothing but memories. It scares me so much, especially your doll! but you have a secret stache up there, I see. Did you know your computer is taken? And that I took one of your pencil and your id. Sorry! I’m never leaving, please never doubt my love for you, as much as it sounds so corny, I really do mean it. I want you to be strong in there for yourself. Every night I wonder what goes through your mind. How do you sleep? Do you even sleep? Do you think about me just a little? I just try and imagine the look on your face. )= It saddens me, because I know you have a hard time sleeping just like me. Face it, it’s hard for both of us, but we can’t be weak and lose hope in everything. Hold on baby, we’re all fighting for you. In the end, everything is going to be fine, maybe not now, but everyone is hoping and praying things will. Once you get out, I hope you learn from everything. I hope you stay away from trouble. I read everything, and you seemed scared :/ Broke me. Be good in there. As for me, I’m trying my best to hold it down, but honestly I’m scared, of them might coming for me. :/ I’ve been nothing but paranoid lately. I hate it. My friends don’t support me, and it kills me. You know how I am when I’m sad. I do nothing but cry and cry and cry. But I have Joanna, Nikki and Aj looking after me. I just need you to be holding it down in there and not do anything stupid. Something I never say when we’re mad, is I love you. But you know what? Truth is, I really do love you. I never just pop it out randomly my love for someone. Ours is different though. 1101403 on lock though, FOREVER TIL WE DIE <3
 10 minutes to everyone is probably a short time, but to me it’s a lot. I need to come up on money like real fast, but it’s not even that easy. Thanks for the calls making sure I’m doing fine and telling me to be happy out here. Even though it’s a quick session talking to you, I’m glad you’re still the one I can come running too with all my problems. 2 more weeks til the next hearing. I’m praying and praying that you will be released. I know it’s not your fault, it was never with to begin with. You’re a really good person not taking everything out on everyone involved. At least, I know you are safe in there and that you’re room mate/ cell buddy makes you laugh and that he’s funny. At least you have someone you can have someone to talk too and vent too. I still remember when you told me we were suppose to watch Saw 3-d together because you wanted to watch it, but you just watched it in there. We were suppose to watch Tangled, since I wanted too. It sucks that I can’t those long night calls over 3 -7 hours. I miss when you tell me to get up since I knock out so easily. You wanna know something? You have the best dad. I’m glad you finally realize that. You use to always say he never gave a shit about you, but when he talks to me you should see how much he cares about you. He wants to bring you home and he knows you did nothing wrong. He knows everything. You don’t know how hard he’s fighting to bring you back. He’s doing his best even when he’s broke. 0$ but he’s still here fighting to get you home and safe. You’re mom is having massive headaches. They all love you trust me. I’ve been around them a lot, and I think my “fear” for them is gone because I finally got to really talk to them. Well, they’re planning to move. They already are looking for houses, Morgan Hill maybe? I honestly think it’s the best for you guys to move, it’s just everyone’s safety. It won’t change a thing you said, trust me baby, it will. We’ll be so distance, but it won’t break us at all, I promise you. Member near or far, we’ll make it to the end. I’m driving soon anyways(: I remember when your mom asked me for your birthday and she said me and you would do good<3 Means a lot. We’ll I hope everything will good for you. Be happy for me please. I love you, always.