How's it going?

Everything is treating me good so far, after 2 months of bullshit and recollecting myself, I finally found it again. The person I never thought I'd have so much love for or fall for ended up being the boy, I really finally realized that I loved. Amazing how best friends can fall in love with other. I can't feel any happier, safe and comfortable when I'm around you. It's weird ever since kindergarten and we finally got to see it and open up to each other, about how everything is. I love that I've known you long enough to trust you with anything and we started with being best friends and still are but instead we are together. I honestly think that I DO deserve you, and will be the only girl that knows whats up and can keep up with you. I love that every time I need something you're there. Or how our family pretty much knows about us. I'm trying to keep this for a long time. Cause like you said, we're never gonna let it go. Its a forever thing, no doubt. JHQPN110110403. Yawps!

I wish I was able to tell you how much I love you all over again.

Bad timing maybe?

I really thought that I could really control on what and how I feel towards you. That liking you was just a crush and it’s just not a big deal. But boy! Am I wrong to the point where I feel so stupid in myself. I’m not just hurting myself but others around me. It’s like something I never wished or expected to ever ever happen. I thought it was just the home boy and home girl level now since we were way back with each other. Oh hay, though look at you always catching my attention. Look at you always giving me thoughts through my head. Keep doing it, and keep letting me chase after what I want til I can’t have it anymore. Because I don’t want to be scared and say once I have you I don’t want you anymore like I did in 8th grade. But I do, I think you could be that boy to change on how my mind works. I think you could make me actually keep what I’ve been chasing for. I wish and want you to be that one. I thought I just loved you 8th grade year and my ex, but man is this just a whole different story. I think I love you all over again and can’t get over the 3 months we’ve talked back then. You made me love you all over again. It just sucks because I wish I can just know what’s going through your brain, and how you feel about everything. I am not trying to be like your ex and put all my hopes up and faith in something that you might not feel the same about, so I just sit and wonder the pro’s and cons and there are so many. What if you don’t feel the same like you use too? What if I’m just another girl? What if there is already another girl? What if I’m not good enough? My instincts tell me so much that I wish I can just tell you and let everything out about how I feel. but then once again, if I was to tell you, I’d have to kill you. It eats me inside that I can’t tell you how I feel about you anymore without being scared. I love your hugs, and smiles and hello’s brings memories and that maybe you still do care. oh one more thing, if only you were to know this blog was made and meant for you. I love you. well maybe.

I feel like all my feelings and emotions are just coming back to you, when I never thought it would ever again. This time I probably know that this will not work out, and I shouldn't chase after you anymore because I was the one who left first. I was the one who made everything go just to the place where we wouldn't be able to work out. But when I heard these thoughts coming and rushing through my head, with what you told me girl, I think was that too me? It seems and sound like it when I was opening up to you. The way you talk to me just makes me feel like I wish there was that connection with us again, where things don't go wrong this time. Where things can just be me and you. I know I'm the type that chases after what I want then after I got what I want and don't want it anymore and leave, but I'm trying to change my thoughts and actions on that. If I was to take everything back, I would. I wish you were to tell me how you feel, so I can think about trying and staying or not. All these mixed signals. What do I now?