Better days.

You know the feeling where you think that you got everything held down, and nothing will get in the way of bringing you down? Yeah, I've been trying to have that feeling, throwing up fronts like I don't care about anything, that I'm just a happy girl and just like any regular human being out there but I think I've hit rock bottom and found my weak points. I've done nothing but tried to keep myself up and going. I hate the feeling of being alone. I hate the feeling of knowing the fact that I'm getting weaker by day. I've tried so hard and still am to act like I'm fine. That holding t down for myself will be fine. How can I simply just lie to myself though? Looking back, scars me. That cold dark night that led me no where but troubles. It was simply just breezing cold around the scariest part of the day, wishing and praying that I could get my last day in with you. Why is it me that has to have everyone important in my life walk out on me? Why is it that nothing simply gets better for me? I can shed a thousand tears but I don't think that anything will get better. I can complain and tell everyone how hard everything is for me, and sure nothing will get better. It's just a matter of time that I need. Sometimes I feel so alone in this cold world. They act like they give a fuck, but they don't. It's just a way to get nosy. This world is nothing but fucked up people. These past 2 months nearly 3 has done nothing but left me with lonely memories. Left me nothing but sadness. 62 long days nearly coming up. Meaning 62 days that I haven't been able to see your face. You tell me to do so much for you, and I will stick through with what I promised you. I'm never giving up on the love we actually have. I just want you to know that I'm just not like all the other girls from before. I'm not trying to be the 1 month 2 month relationship. I don't want to be the hit it and quit it. I want you to realize that I am willing to fight my best for you and hold it down and fight for us. Not for you, not for me, but for the both of us. I'm not only sticking around because I want to keep my promise, because I can't bare to just sit there and watch you go through all that pain and miserableness by yourself. It is hard loving a gangster. I'm not going to sit here and say what we had is so easy. I never expected to ever be in a spot like this. The type of love you got me in made me realize that anything is possible. That not everyone is going to hurt me. That not everyone will leave me. I can't say much but thank you for making me look at the finer things in life. I hope these next 6-8 months does nothing but make our relationship nothing but stronger. Nothing but closer to each other and trust each other. I miss you, okay? I miss you like fucking crazy. You don't know how much crying I have to go too. How much weakened I've got lately. But for you, I'd fight for anything. I love you.